Imperfectly Balanced: Confessions of a Yogi

In the whirlwind of the past three months, my life has been a series of transitions: from moving homes to bidding farewell to my teaching career in California to hosting holiday visitors, and grappling with the myriad adjustments that come with relocation. During this tumultuous period, I stumbled upon a series of books and controversial discussions surrounding Ayurveda and Yoga. As someone who thrives on curiosity, I've always welcomed the opportunity to challenge my beliefs and explore alternative perspectives. This newfound exploration led me to question my lifestyle choices, from my dietary habits to my yoga practice, and I found myself pondering whether I had been inadvertently leading myself astray.

Arriving in Florida, I felt more scattered than prepared to embrace this new chapter in my life. I tossed healthy habits aside, thinking, "Hey, all those years following Ayurveda, and I feel off?" If my trusted knowledge was shaky, what about yoga? Meditation became my sole focus, hoping it would magically fix everything. I declared, "No more teaching Yoga or Ayurveda, time for something new!" 

And then… I was met with a gentle nudge from the Universe, prompting me to reconsider my conclusions… Unpacking boxes, exploring new surroundings, and meeting new people, I was suddenly confronted with a bout of back pain. Seeking solace in meditation, I eventually recognized that the Universe was urging me to revisit the holistic practices that had once brought me stability. And yet! I didn’t listen.  I attributed my discomfort to menopause, weather variations, and the new climate. However, it became apparent that reintegrating Ayurvedic dietary principles tailored to my constitution was the solution to regulate my body temperature. As my body began to be more at ease, my mind remained restless, despite my commitment to regular meditation. I brought discipline back into my life, I looked for the support of a yoga studio. After trying several places, as a student of course, I found one where I felt back “home”. My mind started to be quieter.  But the Universe wasn't done yet. it took a cold for me to prioritize rest and self-care. Embracing this period of recuperation, I returned to my routine, recommitting to a diet that honored my constitution, a practice that honored my body and spirit. Within days, I felt a marked improvement in both body and mind.

I realized that I let myself be pressured by external factors such as societal aspects. "Settled in yet? Did you find a yoga studio? How's online teaching going?" It was intense, holding up a brave face while I wrestled with inner doubts. Letting go of that pressure was key to finding my center again. These past three months, Florida included, have been a wild ride, but I'm emerging rejuvenated. Sometimes you swing too far one way, then the other, before finding your balance.

Society loves to paint yogis as perpetually peaceful and Ayurvedic practitioners as examples of health. The truth? Even my revered teachers have their down days and health hiccups. This pressure to appear perfect? It's exhausting. We're all human, with emotions, struggles, and bad days. Let's embrace that!

For the past 20 years, yoga has been my lifeblood. Sure, I've had my periods of intensity, but never felt truly off course. These doubts, this near-rejection, have been strangely educational. My balance doesn't come from a book or someone else's practice. It's what fits my body, mind, and emotions. Vulnerability isn't weakness, it's recognizing who I am. No need to prove anything to anyone, just me being me.

So, thank you, doubt-inducing books and conversations. You may have rattled me, and made me question and revisit my knowledge but ultimately led me exactly where I needed to be – balanced, steady, and at peace within. It is good to feel back “home”.

What's next? I'm not sure, and that's okay. I have projects swirling, but I'm not rushing to "achieve" anything. The Universe has been clear on that.

This is my story, a reminder that even amidst chaos, self-exploration is a powerful guide. Remember, you are enough, exactly as you are. 

I recommend reading my last article too “Friend or Foe? Unveiling the Frenemy Within ( and Others!)